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Yesterday, I found out that I can stay living where I am, for another year.

I am renting, and have a 12 month lease, which expires in 4 weeks time. Some months ago, the owner raised the possibility that she might sell this house, so from that point onwards I have been rather anxious about what would happen.

I love this house: it’s a really special place and I would love to own it.

It was particularly frustrating for me to have her phone me and ask if I want to buy it, because A) i WANT IT and B) it’s COMPLETELY impossible financially and C) I never imagined she would be willing to sell, anyway - based on her stated intentions about why she bought the house (for a very longterm investment) – so I never thought that even the possibility would arise – even if I won the lottery!

But, THERE was the possibility, dangling in front of me – and no way to make it happen. And now the possibility has gone. So THAT’s ok – because now I know at least that I can stay for another year.

From the time she said this – at least 3 months ago, I have been wondering what the outcome would be…and feeling less secure in living here. So, NOW, I can start fresh with knowing that I have another year (and most importantly another summer). So I can get around to various little tasks that I was putting off because they “aren’t worth doing if I’m moving”, and THAT will allow me to re-invest my interest in the house, and reap the rewards of that caring investment.

One day I will work out how to take digital photos and upload them, so that I could illustrate this story with a pic of ‘my’ lovely swimming pool! – Because THAT’s what I was thinking of, when I heard that I can stay: YEAH! more swimming! (as in: next summer, in about 4 or 5 months time).

The NEXt thing I was thinking of, predictably, was “how am I going to find the money to AFFORD to stay here?”, because there is an inevitable rent increase. But it is very reasonable, especially consifdering the way rents have been rising (in this part of the country especially), over the last year – AND all the publicity that that issue has had. Only last week the main daily newspaperpaper headline was “Rents to rise by $100 per week!” – so THAT was a worry.

My rent has only gone up a little – but every ‘little’ matters, when you are really financially struggling to get by. Please note that “financially struggling” does not mean emotionally struggling, or even mentally struggling (usually). It just means that making the money eke out is a constant cautious disciplined conscious restraint – which one makes ‘a way of life’, in order to have what matters most, which is this beautiful home where I can feel so lucky!

If I had had to move, I would have turned it around, into an adventure to find somewhere different, which I would enjoy in a different way. I was ready to face that, and to make the best of it, because I LOVE houses in general, so I love imagining how I could live in them/what THAT life would be like. But I am very grateful to be able to stay.

Finally: writing.

Yesterday I watched Oprah, and it was about Happiness. They said it was LIVE from Chicago – but I don’t know whether it was live in Australia, or whether it might be an ancient program, presented live in USA, and then re-screened here (in Australia) who-knows-how-long-later.

Everyone was invited to do a quiz consisting of 5 questions. You rated yourself on a scale of 1 to 7  (7 being the highest), in response to the five questions. The questions are probably ‘up’ at her website – IF it was really a live program from Chicago yesterday. They were questions like “To what extent have you satisfied your expectations in life?”

 I regard myself as an extremely happy person – SINCE I found the right medication to treat my pretty-much lifelong depression – that was about 3 years ago.

So I was surprised that I scored really LOW. I scored 7 or 11 – can’t remember which, but it doesn’t make any difference, to the band of results that I fall into.. They say that the lowest score is 5 (i.e rating yourself as a 1, for all 5 questions) however, I assumed that rating oneself as a zero was a possibility (!), so I did that, for one question (probably the question quoted above!). So my score was low.

This made me think about the questions (i.e. the methodology of the quiz)…and how they relate to ME/how *I* look at my life. I started out as really ambitious, and with a lot being expected of me. Over time, I experienced repeated losses or disappointments or rejections, such that I feel I never attained anything I wanted – even though I have been in some wonderful places and seen wonderful things, and been priveleged in many ways – so, in terms of the test questions asked, I cannot claim satisfaction, contentment and happiness.

My happiness comes from a different source – my happiness comes from a decision and a recognition that it is possible to choose to be happy, ALMOST no matter what. and that IS a *BIG* ‘almost’. 

of course, my happiness comes, first of all, from a medicated base of: happiness being POSSIBLE. and that is what anti-depressants DO: they don’t MAKE you happy. they make it POSSIBLE to be happy. and, at least in my experience (though reportedly not in the experience of many people), they make it IMpossible to get yourself really really down, the way you naturally could, before you were on the medication.

but above and beyond the BASELINE of medication – which has to be assumed to bring people up to a ‘level playing field’ emotionally, happiness, it seems to me is a capacity and a choice.

here’s more on the same subject, which might be of interest.

What is Adagiago?

This platform is fantastic! I am so impressed.

The title of this blog comes from the first letters of each word of the saying:

“Any day above ground is a good one…”

My intent is that it should be a reminder of that sentiment, like an online gratitude journal. Hopefully, a place where other people (probably mostly women…I wonder…), who share some things in common with me, might find some psychological uplift each day. 

I have been plagued by endogenous (and reactive) depression all my life. I am free of this now. Totally free. And have been so for some years now.

I intend to post here about depression, about things that help with depression – but NOT to make the blog ‘about’ depression. No – not at all! The blog is the opposite: about NON-depression! About all the things there are in our experiences to delight us, to please us, to fascinate us, to help and support us,…in short: to make life worth living.

I know what it’s like to feel differently, and I hope I never have to go there again!

All praise to the inventors of Aropax !!! And champagne, of course…! 

Not to mention GOD ( if you believe in God) or nature, for sunshine and fresh air and blue skies and dogs and cats and food and bright nail polish.